institutionalized re write

This is the assignment I'm turning in, song would sound a lot different like this

Institutionalized-Suicidal Tendencies
Sitting and staring at the walls in my domicile thinking about everything and nothing, my mother enters my space. Unbeknownst to me she was there; she startled me when she called my name, “Mike, Mike!” “Yes mother, what is the matter” She replies, “what’s the matter with my son?” “Mother, be assured there is nothing wrong with your son.” “Do not tell me a fallacy; I fear that you are under the influence of an unknown narcotic” “no mother, narcotics? No, I’m just merely pondering. Would you kindly get me a soft drink?” She yells, “No, I fear that you are under the influence of an unknown narcotic! Civilized human beings do not act the way that you are currently presenting yourself.” “mother, please get me a soft drink, all that is wanted right now is a soft drink!” She refused to retrieve my beverage, all I craved was a soft drink, just one soft drink, and she wouldn’t budge, just one soft drink!

The attire selected is a plain white shirt with long sleeves tied around your back as if you’ve been incarcerated for burglary. You’re induced with narcotics due to the lethargy of the staff. The staff finds it too tiresome to assist the mentally unstable.

First Writing Assignment

So, today in my English class our assignment was to pick a song, take about four stanza's and change the lyrics. We are working on our "Academic Voice." So we are taking the lyrics out, such as I, and you, says, said, saying, etc. So we have to re-write the lyrics, they don't have to rhyme or go with the song at all. I selected a song by the Bloodhound Gang, but there's no way I'm turning it in. Plus, I did use "you" a couple of times, here are the lyrics for "The Ballad of Chasey Lain."

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to explain
I'm your biggest fan
I just wanted to ask
Could I eat your ass?
Write back as soon as you can

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to complain
Ya never wrote me back
How could I ever eat
Your ass when ya treat
Your biggest fan like that?

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to constrain
This letter is my last
As your biggest fan
I must demand
You let me eat your ass

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

P.S.
Mom and Dad this is Chasey
Chasey this is my mom and dad
Now show 'em them titties
Now show 'em them titties
P.S.
Mom and Dad this is Chasey
Chasey this is my mom and dad
Now show 'em them titties
Now show 'em them titties

Would ya fuck me for blow?

Here's my updated version

Dear Chasey Lain, this letter is from your biggest fan, as a request that you allow me to perform cunnilingus on your anal cavity. Please reply at your earliest convenience.

You've experienced an absurd amount of penis, unfortunately, none of those belonged to me.

Dear Chasey Lain, this letter is a complaint about the treatment of your biggest fan. A reply was never received about the question in which was asked in the first letter.

Dear Chasey Lain, in this letter you will note that I demand that you allow me to perform cunnilingus on your anus; this is your biggest fan.

Is it possible that we could enjoy sexual intercourse in exchange for narcotics?

There it is! The song I'm doing for class is "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies.

2011 Recap

Now that 2011 is over and 2012 is upon us, I've decided to do a little recap of 2011. My wife and I moved back to Albuquerque in December 2010 and we've been living with my sister and my nephew. We were crammed into an apartment for the first part of the year, but now we're renting a house on the Westside of Albuquerque.

I didn't do as much stand-up as I have done in 2009-2010, I decided to get a job and make some money and get caught with bills and wanted to go back to school. Caitlin and I just started at CNM, our first day was today!! It was crazy getting back in the classroom after ten years.

I performed at some of my favorite comedy clubs Hyenas-Dallas and Fort Worth, Loonees-Colorado Springs, Wits End-Westminster, CO, Laffs Comedy Club-Tucson, and even worked a new club Fat Daddy's Comedy Club in Sioux Falls, SD. I even headlined my first club, MinneHaHa Comedy Club in Shakopee, MN. I co-headlined Hyenas Dallas with Jake Sharon on January 1, too!

It's tough living in Albuquerque since there's no comedy club here and I don't get to see comics that I have known for years anymore. I really miss hanging out after the shows. I met some new comics I had never worked with before; Theo Von, Charlie Weiner, Mike Smith, Bil Dwyer, James P. Connolly, Rocky Whatule, Chris Porter, Claude Stuart and Spanky to name a few.

In May I filmed a set for "The After After Party" a late night talk show filmed here in Albuquerque with host Steven Michael Quezada, from "Breaking Bad." The episode I filmed also starred, The James Douglas Show and R.J. Mitte, also from "Breaking Bad." R.J. was really cool to hang out with before and after the taping, really down to earth.

In June some buddies and I drove out to Hollywood, I was part of a live dvd taping at Jon Lovitz Comedy Club, thanks to my buddy, Dante! He was filming six different shows for dvd's he's putting together called, "Dante Presents." They will be done sometime early this year, can't wait to see them! Had a blast on that trip and Jay Leno was there filming, too.

In September I participated in the World Series of Comedy in Las Vegas, a huge comedy festival, about 150 comics were there that week. Saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in awhile and met some bookers. Didn't have the best show while I was there, but still had a blast.

In October I found out that I made it into the first round of the Laughing Skull Festival as well. I have been accepting for every festival that I've auditioned for which makes me feel pretty good! I did a corporate gig in October that didn't make me feel very good. I almost got my balls chopped off by a dumb redneck read about it here.

Spent the last couple months getting ready for school and not doing many shows at all. I've been trying to write new material for next year, I really need to make some changes in my comedy if I want to make it to the "next level." I think if I work a little harder I can do it! 2012 I won't be doing as many shows either, but I'm trying to fill my calendar for the summer while I take a few months off of school. So if you know anyone that needs a comic this summer hit me up! My dates are on my website www.funnyfletcher.com

Hope everyone has a great 2012! My resolution is to cut out all the filler from my act and my life and just be solid! I think going to school will really help my stand-up act.

Wits End/Laughing Skull

The last week I was on the road for the first time in months. I was a little rusty, hadn't done a 30 minute set in awhile. I was performing at Wits End in Westminster, CO, for NYE, so I decided to go to Denver a day early and see if I could get stage time somewhere. Chris Charpentier, Nathan Lund, Bobby Crayne and Sam Tallent run a show every Wednesday, and were cool enough to let me headline while I was in town. These four guys are extremely talented young comics and they put together a great show of stand up and sketch comedy. The show was in the upstairs of a building that looked like apartments, not sure if anyone lived there or not, didn't seem like anyone did. The room was really cool, just looked like a big living room. Saw a couple comics I had never seen before, one's name was Morgan I think, she was funny. I didn't catch all of her set, but what I saw was funny. The other comic was Kristen Rand(sp?), she was great. Loved her style. My set didn't go as well as I had hoped, but it was nice to get on stage and do more than a 5 minute set.

At Wits End, the headliner for the week was Steven Kent McFarlin, aka Spanky. I had heard great things about him, so I was really looking forward to working with him. John Crist was the mc, except for Thursday he wasn't able to make it, so my good buddy, Don Morgan opened and did a great job! That was the best I had seen Don do, I was proud of him.

Thursday night we had kind of a light crowd, it took them awhile to warm up, but I got them laughing. Got to see a couple friends that night, too, which was cool. Friday first show was a huge crowd, second show was the smallest of the week, but both shows were fun. NYE crowds were great, it seems like crowds on NYE get offended a little more easy than other crowds. Which is fine, keeps me on my toes. It was a nice time in Colorado, got to see some old friends, I really miss it up there.

Wednesday night before my show, my buddy Ron Ferguson got me free tickets to Comedy Works to see him perform with Steve McGrew! I had never seen Steve live, so that was a nice way to spend some time on a Wednesday. I had met Steve years ago at Laffs in Albuquerque, but didn't see him perform.

I had a couple days off before I had to fly to LA for my first round in the Laughing Skull Festival. Denver comic, Jason Keyes and I shared a hotel in Hollywood, not far from our venue, the M Bar. Jason is a very funny, underrated comic in Denver. I hope he goes far, he's funny, smart, and he's a good guy. He tore it up at the M Bar and he had to go first. The mc for the night was Chris Mata, who I hadn't seen in a couple years. I worked with him in South Dakota and drove him to the airport in Minneapolis. It was nice seeing him again. Met some other great comics on the show that night as well. Met Mark Agee, originally from Dallas, I had heard good things about him before. Alex Hooper had a killer set, I was shocked to not see him in the top 2 for the night. Allison Breen and Jennifer Murphy finished second and first respectively, both were very funny!

The coolest thing about the trip was hanging with Steve Abeyta, an old friend of mine. He goes to school at the Musicians Institute in LA, he's a kick ass drummer! If you don't believe me listen to some AnesthesiA! Steve lived only a few blocks from where I was performing so he met up with me after school. Good times were had! Also met Matt Lewis, another comic in LA. I've talked to him a few times before but never met him. I like the scene out in LA quite a bit, I've only been out there twice for shows and I've met quite a few comics and all of them have been really cool. I'm hoping to plan a trip out there in the summer time to do some showcases.

I was pretty disappointed in myself for not having a better set on Wednesday night at the M Bar, but today I got an email from Steve Hofstetter letting me know that I was selected for the 2012 Laughing Skull Festival in Atlanta! They had a different format this year where they took two people from the live shows that were selected by judges, then an extra comic was also selected, not sure if they went by tape or judges or what. But I got in and I'm very excited about it! I know quite a few comics who have been to the Laughing Skull Festival in the past and they said it's well worth the trip. Can't wait!

Wits End NYE

I am very excited for New Years week this year, as I am every year. It's a great week for comics, the pay is a little higher, and it's a lot of fun. The only thing that sucks is not ringing in the new year with my wife. She was able to go with me to Tucson a couple years ago.

I've been lucky enough to perform on NYE the last four years, Laffs in Albuquerque, Laffs in Tucson, Hyena's in Dallas, and this year Wits End in Westminster, CO! I'll be performing with a guy named Spanky, aka the Laff Guru. I've never seen Spanky, but I've heard great things about him. Should be a lot of fun, he seems like a really nice guy.

I really miss Denver a lot. We lived up there for a year and a half, and met a lot of cool people. They have a great comedy scene up there, one of the best in the country. I wouldn't mind living there again at some point.

I've been doing mostly local shows lately, haven't been on the road since October. There's a new open mic at Allure Nightclub, it's fairly new, but last week we had about 20 comics there! Not bad since there's another open mic the same night at a different spot. The scene keeps getting bigger and better in Albuquerque, it's fun to be a part of it. I checked out my first improv show at the Box Theater a couple weeks ago, that was a blast! One of the funnest shows I've been to in a long time. I've only done improv once at Laffs during X-Mas week and I was awful.

Wednesday night was the one year anniversary show for AnarKomedy at Low Spirits. They had a lot of talent on that night, but the show lasted forever. I didn't hit the stage until 12:45. Got some laughs, but I was exhausted, and the next day at work sucked! Vertigo Venus kicked a lot of ass though, check them out. For some reason the link button isn't on my blog right now, www.vertigovenus.com

August 5, 2001

Earlier today, my wife, Caitlin, told me to read Jay Wendell Walker's blog about how he started comedy over 50 years ago. Here's a link to the blog he wrote, Jay's blog.

I've worked with Jay before at Laffs in Albuquerque, and even did a show with him in Mescalero, New Mexico, at the Inn of the Mountain Gods. He flew into Albuquerque, so we picked him up and drove him down to Mescalero for the show. The show was kind of a wreck, they didn't have anyone to run the show, so Jay did the off stage announcements and brought me up. Show wasn't the greatest, but we had fun. We had a show the next couple nights in the Albuquerque area. Jay's one of the nicest guys in the business. His wife traveled with him to Laffs one time and was very sweet. She even helped the waitstaff clean the tables in between shows.

In Jay's blog he mentioned how he parked Billy Tipton's car six nights a week and asked Billy how to get into comedy. I decided to google Billy's name, because I had never heard of "him." Billy was actually born a woman, but decided to live life as a man to be a musician.

It was a lot easier for a man than a woman back then. A turning point in Billy's life came in 1958. He had his own trio and a growing reputation, and a new hotel in Reno wanted to hire his group as its house band. He seemed on the verge of, if not the big time, at least a fairly high-profile career. But Billy declined. Instead he took a job as a booking agent in Spokane, Washington, playing music on the side. Middlebrook thinks he feared fame would lead to discovery and decided he'd gone as far as he dared.

I guess if Billy had went on to Reno, maybe Jay would have never started comedy. But, I'm glad he did!

Here's the story on how I started stand-up comedy. At a young age, I used to always sneak out of my bedroom and go into the living room where my mom would be watching tv. Some nights she would be watching comedy on HBO, her favorites were George Carlin and Eddie Murphy. I would stand behind the couch, she had no idea that I was there. I had no idea what the jokes meant, but I loved watching my mom laugh. There was something about watching her laugh that made me want to be a comedian. My mom always tells a story about me, as a four-year-old, with my little Beaver Cleaver style jacket and ball cap and a little suitcase leaving the house. When she heard the door open she ran in and saw me walking out the door. She asked, "where do you think you're going?" I said, "I'm going to New York to be a comedian and live with George Carlin." And you know how parents are, they never let you do anything, so I was stuck in Goldfield, Iowa.

Fast forward to 2001. I was living in Albuquerque, New Mexico, I finally got to move out on my own! I was living with two buddies of mine, Larry Campbell and Nate Guyre. I met Larry working at Pizza Hut, and I met Nate through Larry, I think they worked together at a pizza place. In April 2001, we were all working at different pizza places. I was working at Pizza Hut, Larry was at Papa John's and Nate was at Poppi's Pizza, a local pizza place that I ended up working at a few years later. Our house was always stocked with pizza, sodas, napkins, and other random stuff you could find at those pizza places.

The day that Nate moved in we had a pretty wicked party. We estimated about 75 people there, and we only knew maybe 25 of the people. Our friends, AnesthesiA, came by to play a set. They didn't get too far into their set before the cops showed up. I do remember them playing an awesome Pantera medley, they combined three or four Pantera songs into one! When the cops arrived I was standing right by the door holding a beer. I also had a Denver Broncos beanie on and a giant Garfield clock around my neck. I was "Fletcha Flave!"

I invited the cops in, and even offered them drinks. Pretty stupid. The cops booted everyone out and AnesthesiA had to pull the plug. None of us got in any trouble though, which was awesome, and all of the people we didn't know ended up leaving. About half an hour all of our friends were back. AnesthesiA had all of their equipment still set up but we all decided it would be a bad idea if they started jamming again. I had been telling eveyone that I was going to start doing stand up, so they decided to throw me the mic. I hadn't really written any jokes at that point, but I was drunk so I decided to fuck around and make fun of some people. I think I did that for about 10 minutes, got some laughs, then went back to drinking.

The next day I couldn't stop thinking about doing stand up. I decided to get a hold of one of my best friends from back in Iowa, Matt Evans. Matt is one of the funniest guys I know to do this day, and I was always trying to make him laugh when I was younger. He was six years older than me, he was like an older brother to me. He told me he would help me work on some material for my first open mic. I decided to look up info on the local comedy club, Laffs Comedy Club. They had open mic on the first Sunday of the month. I decided August 5th would be my date to perform. That gave me a few months to get together a five minute set. I started working on my own material, and Matt had written a few things as well. I was writing shorter jokes and Matt was writing bits. I took his bits and narrowed them down, because I didn't feel comfortable telling longer bits, they were harder to memorize.

As the day drew closer I was getting really nervous, but I had invited tons of friends. I probably would have bailed if I hadn't invited so many people. There was no way I could un-invite that many people. I noticed that M.O.D. was playing at the Launchpad that same night and I really wanted to see them! But, I decided, if I'm ever going to stand up comedy, I couldn't turn back.

August 5th finally arrived, I went through my jokes one more time, then watched "Man on the Moon." I grabbed my beanie and Garfield clock and headed down to Laffs. I had never even been to a comedy show in my life, so I had no idea what to expect. I was one of the first people to arrive. My friend, Charlie Cuaron, decided to sign me up on the list as Curtis E. Fletcher. I waited nervously for about an hour before the show. There were about 15-20 comics on the list for the night. I was on about the mid point through the show. I had about 35 of my friends show up, I was shocked how many came to support me, it was awesome. I watched the comics while going over my set over and over in my head, so I don't remember if any of them were funny at all. I do remember some of the comics, Oscar Solis, went up for the first time that night. We became really good friends after that. His brother, Erik, also went up, he was friends with my buddies from AnesthesiA. Freddy Charles, who was a veteran comic who had a few tv credits went up to try some new material.

The emcee, Tuck O'Lay, finally called my name. I tried to pretend to be super confident, shaking some hands on the way to the stage. I bet I looked ridiculous in that beanie and the giant Garfield clock. I don't even remember what jokes I did that night, but I got some big laughs! I was shocked. I was also thinking that they were just laughing because most of them were my friends, but I saw people that I didn't know laughing at me, and that was a feeling that's hard to describe. After my set, which was probably closer to three minutes than five, I went and set with a few buddies. A lot of the comics came up and said nice things to me, even Freddy Charles said I was funny. That was huge to me!

After the show I was chatting with some friends and a long haired older guy came up to me and asked, "how long have you been doing stand up?" I said, "about three minutes." He was surprised that it was my first time performing. He said to keep it up and to lose the clock, I didn't need it, I was funny without it. The guy was Darryl Rhoades, he was the headliner at Laffs that night at the professional show after the open mic. Darryl's been doing stand up for a long time, he's a good guy, I've got to know him pretty well over the years.

As I was leaving the club a guy approached me and handed me a business card, he said, "give me a call Thursday." He shook my hand and walked off. As I walking out to the parking lot I read the business card, it read, RUSS RIVAS, CHIEF EXECUTIVE BROOM OPERATOR. Russ was the owner of Laffs, and he thought I was funny, that was huge! I called him Thursday and he asked me to come down for a guest set that night or Sunday, I told him I'd come down Sunday, just so I would have more time to prepare. I had no idea what a guest set was. That next Sunday I did the same set and bombed. I thought I was finished after that and tried to avoid Russ after the show. He came up to me as I was leaving the club and said, "come back next Sunday, do the same set." Two of my first three shows were guest sets at the professional shows at Laffs. I got to perform with Danny Villalpando and Brian Bradley. I felt pretty good about myself after that, especially after bombing twice in a row.

Maybe I'll never make it big, or get to do it full time again, but I've performed in over 20 states! I've performed in some weird places, like a campground in Northern Wisconsin, a barn in South Dakota, and on a homemade trailer at a winery in Angel Fire, New Mexico. A lot has happened in the last 10 years, I hope to be doing comedy as long as Jay Wendell Walker.

Laffs Tucson

This past weekend I performed at Laffs Comedy Club in Tucson, AZ, with Tom Sims from Phoenix and Laurie Kilmartin from LA. Both were very funny and a pleasure to work with. Had some pretty crazy crowds, which is something I'm used to in Tucson. Usually I like to just go up and do my set though. In Tucson there were quite a few hecklers, but none of them messed up any of my punchlines or anything like that, so at least the hecklers had good timing. I always love to going to Tucson, there's always a few of the local comics that come out and say hi or do guest spots. My wife got to go with me on this trip, which was awesome. Last time she met some of my friends, Jacob and Jessica, and they got along really well, so we got to hang out with them again. Jacob is a funny up and coming comic in Tucson. And he looks like a grown up version of Ernie from "Billy Madison." And he pees his pants.

The owner of Laffs, Gary Bynum, is always super cool to me. I always look forward to talking with him while I'm there. His wife and son were at the club as well. His son Casey is the manager of the club, he actually graduated from Eldorado High School in Albuquerque a year before I did. I didn't know him then though, because I moved to Albuquerque half way through my senior year. Or in Albuquerque, my senor year, with that cool thing over the n.

Overall, the shows were great though! The weather was perfect, too. The trip went by way too fast. Me, the Mrs, Jacob and Jessica had dinner at Mama's Hawaiin (sp?) Barbeque. If you ever get a chance to try it, it's on Speedway and Park. I tried the Kalua Pork, they give you a huge plate full of pork, two huge scoops of rice and macaroni salad. I barely even touched the sides, and couldn't finish all of the pork. The wife and I could have definitely shared a plate. It was awesome. (And on a side note, I just learned how to spell the word definitely. All these years I spelled it definately. But, at least I'm not one of those people that say, "your dumb." It's "you're dumb." Dummy.)

Thursday night we had a show at the Guild Theater in Albuquerque. Also on the bill were Roger Peterson, Sarah Kennedy, A.J. Martinez, and Matt Peterson. The Guild is the coolest theater in Albuquerque. They show a lot of great movies, and it's just a cool place. The guys working there were awesome, too. I think the owner's name was Keith, super cool, and Chris was there that night as well. They treated us all great. We had a pretty decent turnout for Albuquerque on a Thursday night. And I got to see my good buddy, Marc Shuter. Marc and I used to write all the time together. I miss that son of a bitch. And he told my wife he reads my blogs, even the boring sports ones. So, I hope you're reading right now, Marc. I miss hanging out with ya buddy!

So, the show went great, had a lot of fun performing at the Guild. I actually filmed part of "Mismatch.com" there back in 2005. We had one short scene we filmed there and they were cool enough to let us film. We also had a screening there for part of the Sin Fronteras Film Festival, which was wonderful! It was weird seeing myself on the big screen, but it was fun.

Next up is a show at UNM at the Rodey Theater on December 2nd! Should be a lot of fun, it's a nice big stage. Then I'll be doing Wits End in Westminster, CO, for NYE w/Spanky. Then January 4th at the M Bar in Los Angeles for part of the Laughing Skull Festival! Then I start school January 9th at CNM. We got our classes registered today, I'm gonna get my learns on.


Me on stage

Me on stage again

Jacob, Jessica, Caitlin, and me

Me, Kyle Reade, and Jacob